Sokka's Therapy Sessions
by The Hash Slinging Slasher
Summary: Sokka has once again donned his beard, mustache, and adult voice, and is giving out advice to all the characters of Avatar.
1. Zuko Part 1

Sokka, or, as he liked to be called when wearing his beard and mustache, Mr. Smithington, was organizing some papers when Zuko walked in. Clearing his throat, he quickly switched to his adult voice.

"Hello, Zuko. I've been expecting you for some time now," he said. Sokka gestured to his leather couch. "Please, make yourself comfortable."

Zuko slammed the door behind him.

Sokka gestured to the couch again.

Reluctantly, Zuko lay down on the couch.

"Sokka, why does the plaque on the door say Dr. Maxwell H. H. Smithington the Fifth?"

Sokka fingered the ends of his mustache. "I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Zuko," he settled into a recliner opposite the couch and pulled out a pen and notepad. "Now, why are you here?"

"My uncle made me come," said Zuko.

"Mmhhmm," Sokka scribbled something on his notepad, "And why do you suppose he did that?"

"I don't know. He's a crazy old man."

"A crazy old man... I think that's your problem right there."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you have an anger problem," said Sokka, pointing at Zuko with his pen.

"I don't have an anger problem!" Zuko stood up from the couch.

"You sure? You seem to be a little angry right now," said Sokka, scooting his chair back a couple inches.

Zuko laid back down on the couch, silently fuming. Sokka leaned over to pat him on the shoulder, but Zuko slapped his hand away.

"Don't worry Zuko, anger management is a common problem among Fire Nation royalty, and is very curable."

"Okay then Sokka, what do you think I should do? Just forget about my entire childhood, and pretend everything is happy and perfect?"

Sokka wagged his finger in the air."No Zuko, denial is never the answer."

"Well what is then?"

Sokka quickly scratched a few more things into his notebook, tore out a page, and handed it to Zuko along with a DVD.

Zuko looked at the page and the DVD, then back up at Sokka. Sokka nodded. Zuko sighed, then walked out of the room.

**Author's Note: **So, how this is going to work is every character is going to have two chapters. One in which they receive a diagnosis from Sokka, then a second (longer) chapter in which they discuss how is advice turned out.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender, or anything at all.


	2. Zuko Part 2

Sokka, hearing footsteps in the hallway outside his office, quickly picked up the phone just before Zuko walked in.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry Mrs. Fringler, I won't be able to make it to the doctor convention. I already have plans to attend the Emmys. Yes, I do believe my son will win. Thank you, good day. Oh, Zuko! Did you follow my advice?"

"Yes."

"Did you watch the DVD?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"It didn't work," Zuko said, glaring angrily at Sokka.

Sokka sat down in his leather armchair and picked up his notepad. "Please, explain."

**-Two Days Ago-**

_Ding-Dong_.

Zuko opened the door, and Azula stepped in and handed Zuko her jacket.

Azula smiled slowly. "It was so nice of you to invite me over Zuzu, we really should do this more often."

Zuko begrudgingly hung up Azula's jacket. "Trust me, this wasn't my idea."

Azula raised a slim eyebrow. "Oh really? Who's idea was it then?"

"Um, Uncle Iroh's."

"Very well then, let's eat."

Zuko and Azula moved into the kitchen, where Zuko had set the table for two. Iroh had added a sunflower centerpiece for decoration. They sat down, and Zuko served the soup he had made.

"This is all very nice Zuko, but why am I really here?" Azula fingered her spoon with her long, perfectly filed nails.

"Iroh believes that we need to settle our differences... without, you know, an Agni Kai."

Azula laughed.

"That wasn't a joke."

"I know it wasn't, but the notion is funny nonetheless."

"No, it's not funny," growled Zuko, "I'm serious. We're going to end up killing each other."

"I know."

"And that doesn't bother you at all? How many other families do see fight to the death on a regular basis?"

"Alright, you win, we aren't a normal family. But it's not like that's a big surprise."

"Your right, it's not. We've always been like this, even when we were just kids."

"There's nothing wrong with a little competition."

"We both know that this is more than a little competition."

Azula sighed. "Fine, have it your way Zuko. We will settle our differences once and for all... at sundown! I challenge you to an Agni Kai!"

"No! I specifically said-"

"What's the matter? Won't that give you enough time to do your hair?"

Zuko slammed his forehead with the palm of his hand, and Azula walked briskly out of the room.

Sokka nodded. "I see, and how does that make you feel?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said? My sister wants to kill me now! Literally _right now_!"

"Now now, Zuko, your sister wanted to kill you long before I set up your little meeting."

"Yeah, but now she's actually going to have a chance to do it!"

Sokka stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Well... no..."

"No? What do you mean, no?"

"Umm..."

"Aagh! Why did I even listen to you in the first place? What was I thinking?"

"Zuko, it seems as though your problems, um, stretch beyond my abilities, but I know of someone more skilled than I."

"Wow, I bet they were hard to find."

Sokka flipped to the next page in his notebook, then scratched something down. He tore the paper out, then handed it to Zuko.

Zuko glanced at the page, then looked back up at Sokka. "My uncle."

"Oh, you're related?" Sokka laughed heartily. "What a coincidence!"

Zuko stared at Sokka, as if trying to kill him with the sheer intensity of his gaze.

Sokka laughed nervously.

Zuko continued his glare. "I hate you."

**Author's Note: **Well, I hope you liked the first arc. If you have a character that you would like to see attend a session, please tell me with a _**REVIEW.**_

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Avatar The Last Airbender.


	3. Mai Part 1

**Author's Note:** ...Sorry I didn't update in like, forever. I got Starcraft 2, and, uh, yeah...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

The door to 'Dr. Maxwell H.H. Smithington the Fifth's' office opened, and Mai stepped in like a cold, unwanted breeze on a winter day. Her aura of dull canceled out Dr. Maxwell's motivational posters (_Courage, _and , _Forgiveness_), and temporarily made Sokka want to just go back to bed and wait for the end of a life that was sure to be very, very uneventful.

Mai laid down on the dark leather couch.

Sokka cleared his voice. "Umm, excuse me, but my sessions are by appointment only..."

Mai rolled her eyes.

"So, if you could please leave..."

Mai threw a knife at the _Courage _poster, impaling the man who had just managed to make it to the summit of Mt. Everest.

Sokka broke his adult voice and let out a scream that was quite feminine. Quickly, he cleared his throat and moved to his chair.

Sokka took out his pen and notepad, and scribbled something down. "Oh! Look at that, the President's son just canceled, so I guess I can fit you in..." he swiveled and looked at the clock behind him," right now! What a curious happenstance!"

Mai showed no sign of recognition.

"So, why are you here?"

Mai's voice sounded like the Titanic of Interest had crashed into the iceberg of sarcasm and utter uncaring. "Ty Lee told me to see a therapist."

"And do you have any idea why she might have told you to do that?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well...why did you come then?"

"I was bored."

Sokka stroked his beard. Then, is eyes slowly began to open as he discovered what the real question was. "Why are you so bored?"

"Because the world is a boring place."

"You can't possibly say that the entire world is boring."

"Yes I can."

Sokka gaped in disbelief. "What about all the cool stuff there is to do? Boomerangs-

"Don't work."

"What do you mean boomerangs don't work? I'll have you know that I am of close association with a boomerang _master _who destroyed Sparky-Sparky, er, a very powerful assassin -"

Mai stared at him blankly.

"You don't know anything! You can't say that the world is boring until you've thrown a boomerang! GO! Leave my office!"

Mai sighed. "Great advice."


	4. Mai Part 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you, people who suggested patients- your input is greatly appreciated. You're tearing down all potential writing blocks.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

The doorbell rang.

Azula instantly awoke and shot out of bed. She opened the door, fully prepared to terminate the solicitors.

"Trick or treat!" Cried several young children wearing colorful costumes.

Azula raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? That sounded like a threat."

The youngest of the group stepped forward. "That's right it was, you better give us some candy."

"Or what?"

"Or we'll egg your house."

Azula smiled. "You strategy for obtaining food is very flawed. Let's say I did give you your precious candy. There is no possible way you could know what I might have done to it. I could have poisoned it, or lightly traced it with mercury so that you would develop cancer in twenty years."

The trick or treater pondered this for awhile. "I'd give some to my neighbor's dog first."

"Chocolate kills dogs anyway, how would you know the difference?"

The child crossed his arms. "You're a jerk." They trudged off.

Azula laughed. "You have been defeated for all time! You will never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!"

"That didn't have anything to do with what I told you." said Sokka.

Mai shrugged.

"You didn't follow my advice at all! What about the boomerang?"

Mai yawned. "I didn't really feel like it." She got up to leave.

"Well, I hope you're happy. You just threw your life down the drain because you couldn't even throw one boomerang."

"I'll be sure to remember that."

"Oh, you will. You will."


	5. Me

**Author's Note: **Yes!

Sokka heard a knock on his door. He quickly opened a book on his desk and pretended to read it. "Come in, good sir!"

The Hash Slinging Slasher stepped in the door, and fell on to the futon face-first. He lay there for about a minute in silence.

Sokka cleared his throat as he set the book down on his desk. He picked up his pen and notepad, and took a seat opposite his patient. "You seem to be enjoying my futon, Mr. Slasher." Sokka double-checked his notepad. "My, that is an unusual name."

He slowly peeled himself off the futon in to an upright position. "I got it from a TV show."

Sokka nodded slowly. "So you named yourself? That's certainly untraditional."

"Not really..."

Sokka scribbled something down. "Yes, yes... you seem very distraught young man."

"You know what? I am pretty distraught."

Sokka stroked his beard. "You seem pretty aware of your problems."

"You seem pretty aware of that beard."

Sokka stopped writing. "What was that?"

"I was just saying, you seem pretty aware of that beard."

"Are you proposing that my beard deserves any less attention then I give it?"

"Well..."

"Finish that sentence."

"... umm..."

Sokka glared at his patient, then cleared his throat. "Alright then. It seems like you have abandonment issues."

"How the heck did you get that out of what we just said?"

Sokka set his paper down and leaned forward. "Son, it seems to me like you tend to abandon things that you start."

"I think you should start shaving that beard."

"Get out of my office!"


End file.
